1. a person who solicits contributions or pledges.
2. a gathering held for such solicitation: a fund-raiser to aid the campaign of the Senate candidate.
Charity
1. generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill, or helpless: to devote one's life to charity.
2. something given to a person or persons in need; alms: She asked for work, not charity.
3. a charitable act or work.
4. a charitable fund, foundation, or institution: He left his estate to a charity.
5. benevolent feeling, especially toward those in need or in disfavor: She looked so poor that we fed her out of charity.
Selfish
1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.
Three words, three definitions. The first two are words that most of us who do drag are extremely familiar with. So many of us donate our time, our money and ourselves to help others or to help raise money for those who need it.
The third word is also one that so many of us are familiar with in this community. Selfishness manifests itself in so many different ways, sometimes it manages to squeak by. Selfish actions include asking to be paid for participating in a fundraiser, shorting someone on show pay and keeping more for yourself, holding fundraisers and keeping the money for yourself instead of the intended recipient, and performing in a fundraiser and not donating your tips.
There are so many self-centered individuals in the drag community. Most are easy to spot, and their reputations preceed them. Some are more sneaky about it. Some don’t start out that way, but then learn bad habits from veterans and drag moms and dads. When that happens, it’s even more disappointing.
Disappointment is another word, one that comes up every once in a while these days. Usually in reference to someone’s behavior. I was disappointed this weekend. Disappointed and, to be perfectly honest, mad as hell. When I perform at a fundraiser, I expect everyone at that fundraiser to conduct themselves with integrity, ie. donating their tips. I guess not everyone got that memo. I was disappointed by not one, but two, entertainers this weekend. One who should know better and one who is being taught by the one who should know better. Both kept their tips, the audience noticed, and when confronted the excuse was “It costs money to do this.” Not “I’m sorry, it took all the money I had to put gas in my car,” or “I made previous arrangements because of this that or the other.” We all know it costs money to do this. That doesn’t mean you throw the other entertainers under the bus. You put all of our reputations at stake when you do that.
I felt like I should apologise to the organization we were raising money for and to the individual who helped organize the show, but how do you apologise for someone else’s bad behavior? “I’m sorry that we had two people who decided their own selfish needs were more important than your organization?” And what makes it even more disappointing is that one of these individuals has asked me to help raise money for things before. I now question every fundraiser I’ve done with them. How many times have I worked my ass off and donated my tips, just to have you keep yours?
I have an exceedingly low tolerance for bullshit these days. In light of what happened Saturday night, I will never again invite these two performers to participate in any show I organize, fundraiser or not. I will also think twice before performing in any show I get asked to do with these individuals. It really is unfortunate that this had to happen. But then, maybe that’s just it. Maybe it had to happen. Maybe the wool had been pulled over our eyes this whole time and only now are true colours showing.
To all my brothers and sisters in drag, please please please be aware of your actions and how they might affect those around you. It goes back to the ABCs of Drag. It’s the basics. It’s not just your reputation on the line, it’s all of ours.