So I thought I’d give everyone a little insight to the woman behind the facial hair.
There are times when I spend so much time in drag, I almost lose sight of the non-drag half of Freddy. Even when I’m not in drag most of the people I know call me Freddy and refer to me with male pronouns. I do the same thing with them. Generally, if I met you in drag you will always be that persona to me, whether you’re in drag or not. I will almost always refer to my queen friends by their queen names when I see them out and about, and they’re not in drag, just like they call me Freddy. I don’t even think most of them know what my real name is, the same with a lot of kings. It’s just how it happens. It’s not really bad, nor good, it just is.
So I thought I’d give everyone a little insight to the woman behind the facial hair.
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How many people make New Year’s resolutions that they actually stick to and keep? I don’t think I know anyone, including myself. There are essentially two kinds of resolutions one can make; there are the specific ones (I will lose 30 lbs by my next birthday), and the generic, open ended ones (I will be a better person). One you can measure, one you can’t. One is fairly objective, one is decidedly SUBjective. I mean, a “better person” to one someone may be extremely different than a “better person” to another someone. The measurable resolution is infinitely more difficult to maintain, since you either achieve it or you don’t. But both types are easy to “cheat” on. This is why I don’t really believe in resolutions. Humans are amazingly flawed creatures. We think that we can balance out the fact that we ate an entire pie on our diet by drinking a glass of Crystal Light with it. We believe we have become “better people” because we only talk trash with certain people, and only about people who deserve it, and no longer leave nasty comments on their Facebook or Myspace pages. Because we have the ability to rationalize, we tend to take it to the Nth degree and rationalize EVERYTHING.
To me, New Year’s resolutions are like giving something up for Lent. Why not give it up for more than a few weeks? Obviously, if you can survive without something you consider a vice for that long, you can survive without it indefinitely. Instead of declaring and failing at the same tired resolutions every year, why not just incorporate it into your every day life? I’ve seen people I work with in the drag world have 2 resolutions: one for their in-drag selves, one for their out-of-drag selves… Shouldn’t they be the same? Yes, my drag life and my home life are separate, and I like to keep it that way, but essentially we are the same person. What goes for me out of drag, applies to Freddy as well. I don’t need to make separate resolutions for both of us. (Ever notice how, when you talk about yourself in and out of drag, you kind of end up sounding a wee bit crazy? Or someone with MPD…. Awkward…) Anyhoo, this year there will be no resolutions from me. My life is already changing for the better in almost all aspects, so I plan on just continuing on that road. Would I like to lose weight, be more fit, eat more healthy? Yes. But I’m not going to count it as a failed resolution if I don’t look hot in a string bikini by my birthday. My partner and I already discussed what we’d like for ourselves, and we decided to start it in January. Not because it’s a new year and we needed resolutions, but because it was practical. I didn’t want to have to worry about dieting through the holidays. I’m a food whore, I wanted to enjoy my food before my portions took a nosedive. I will not say something like, “Next year I’m going to be a better person” because, again, it’s all relative. There are those right now who would say I’m a fantastic person. There are also those who would say I’m the scum of the earth. The latter group can kiss my ass, because they’re the ones who really have no idea who I am. But their opinion of me won’t change, no matter what I do and frankly, they’re not people whose opinions I particularly care about anyway. Are there things I’d like to change about myself? Of course! But it’s an on-going project. It will be an on-going project for the rest of my life because, hey, nobody’s perfect. So while everyone will be changing their status in a few days to whatever type of resolution they’ll be attempting to not fail this year, mine will simply express gratitude for everything that has happened this year because, good or bad, it has made me a stronger person, and a hope that 2011 will be filled with more smiles than tears… for everyone. If I manage to achieve my goals along the way, great! But if I fall short, I’ll just chalk it up to human nature and keep trying. So my resolution will be…. NOT to have a resolution and to keep on truckin’ down the path I’m on, which will (hopefully) lead me to bigger and better things all around. What do the holidays mean to you? Do you even celebrate the holidays? And when I say holidays, I mean any of them. It's this time of year when I see lots of posts, blogs, statuses, etc that talk about missing distant family or friends, but mostly family. I think I can honestly say that I have never once said I missed anyone in my family. We're just not that close. But my friends... I can honestly say I miss my friends. Some I miss because they're just so far away (it's what happens when you grow up overseas), some I miss because they live in the same damn town as me but I never get to see them, and some I miss because, for one reason or another, we just aren't friends anymore. I have to say, though, that the latter are few and far between. Generally, if I'm not friends with someone, there's a very good reason for it. But the ones that fall into the other categories I really do miss terribly. It sucks when you realise that 90% of the people you call friends you hardly ever see outside of the bar or drag shows. Yes, I still consider these people friends, especially because there are a few that I know will have my back no matter what, and I'd have theirs. It's just that between work and life, it's hard to get schedules to work. My ELP (Emotional Life Partner) lives here in Phoenix, and I haven't seen her in months! She hasn't met my partner, and I haven't met her boyfriend, and yet this is someone who I know would drop everything in a heartbeat if I needed her.
My friends that are far away I miss most of all, just like Dorothy said she'd miss the Lion most of all at the end of the Wizard of Oz. I get to hear about their lives through Facebook and the occasional phone call (which is tricky when you live in places like Singapore and have no sense of the time difference...), and that's how they keep up with me. None of them have seen me do drag, which kind of sucks because it has become such a huge part of my life now. I don't get to be close to their kids, which I know I would be if I were closer. Holidays are always kind of sketchy for me. I never know how they're going to turn out. If I'm single, I generally spend them alone, which kind of sucks. I remember the Christmas in Tucson I spent in my tiny one bedroom apartment, eating a hot pocket and watching John Carpenter's "The Fog." (The original of couse.) I'm one of those people who believe no one should be alone on important days. If I'm not single, the state of my relationship has a lot to do with how things go. Last year, it wasn't so fun. This year is decidedly better. Yes, I'm sharing my partner with her kids, etc, but it's ok. Actually, it's more like she's sharing them with me. It's still a far cry from last year. So I hope that this holiday is "better" for all of you, whatever that means. Whether it's happier, more fulfilling, surrounded by more of those you love, whatever... Not being particularly religious, Christmas means little when it comes to the supposed "reason for the season," however the old "peace on earth and good will towards men" sentiment sits well with me. Whatever YOUR reason for the season, I hope it's a happy one. 2011 is right around the corner! Hold on to your horses! :) Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! Last weekend I decided, sort of last minute, to compete for the Mr Cash Inn Country pageant. Yes, it’s just a bar title, but it was also a prelim to the Mr Phoenix Gay Pride pageant that’s happening in March. I also consider The Cash to be my “home” bar. It’s where I’ve spent a good deal of my time the last few years, since joining Sisterzz Twisted, and it’s where I met a lot of the people who are now some of my best friends.
I know I’d said I wasn’t going to compete again for a while, and I really did mean it. I’ve been in semi-retirement since earlier this year, and it’s been a good thing. A few people asked me if I would compete for Mr Cash, so that I’d have the chance to compete for Mr Gay Pride. I went back and forth about it for quite some time, ran the idea by a few people, and decided what the hell. I wish I’d had time to really go all out, but I sort of had to make do with what I had. It seemed to work though, because I won. I think I had some decent competition too, as I was competing against a king who had recently made 1st Alternate in the Mister Arizona USofA MI pageant. His talent was pretty hot and I’d say his evening wear was better than mine. I fully expected to lose to him, but as we all know judging is more subjective than objective, and I guess that night I just happened to be what the judges were looking for. Why did I decide to compete? Because, despite all the crap and the bullshit that goes with it, I love drag. I love performing. The rush of being on stage, even just at a bar, the looks on the audience’s faces when they’re having fun, the costuming, everything. And being able to use drag as a way to give back to community is just an added bonus. THAT’S why I decided to compete. I want another shot at being Mr Gay Pride because I know I could do some great things. I know it’s not a state title and it won’t take me to Nationals, but sometimes the local titles mean more. To me, winning a Pride title isn’t a feather in my cap. It’s not an ego boost. It’s not a “hey look at me! I just won another title!” title. It’s a chance to really do something in and for this community. So many of us do so much already and fly so low under the radar that our efforts never really get recognized. Now, I’m not necessarily talking about me. There are so many others, people that some take for granted when it comes to doing fundraisers and helping out. I would love to see these kings and performers get credit where credit is due. For me, there’s more to holding the Pride title than just fundraising. You are now THE face of the Phoenix LGBTQ community, not just in Phoenix but outside of Phoenix and all over the country. That’s an incredible opportunity. Yes, there are individuals within this community, as with any community, that have a tendency towards creating drama and stirring the pot, but generally they are few and far between. Most of the people I’ve met and worked with have been incredible and supportive and just good people. It is for them, and for the love of the art of male impersonation, that I’m giving this one more shot. If I win in March, great. If not, no big deal. It’s not worth getting bent out of shape about. Wish me luck! :) |