Honestly, I miss it.
It’s pageant season in the drag world and Facebook is ripe with constant updates on evening wear, talents and interviews. Across the country kings and queens are preparing to compete in prelims and finals, looking for sponsors, packing suitcases and truck beds with costumes and props and dragging backup dancers across country.
Honestly, I miss it.
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How many of us have heard that? Basically it implies that girls aren't allowed to have any fun, and let's face it, underneath the spirit gum, duct tape and facial hair a good majority of us still identify as women of one sort or another. But regardless of how we identify, how we conduct ourselves in public speaks volumes as to our true character.
I've touched on how we, as representatives of our community, should behave in public. This goes double for title holders. I will not name names, I will not point fingers, and I will not trash talk. However, when a title holder threatens to tarnish the reputation of the rest of us because of their completely unacceptable behaviour, it is NOT ok. I’m not one of these droggers who write blog after blog about how this person did this or that person did that, and oh my feelings are hurt because of this that and the other. However, when a specific incident arises that warrants attention, not because it affects one person but because it could potentially affect many, it’s acceptable to address it. When you become a title holder, it doesn’t matter whether it’s a bar title, state title, local title, whatever, you sign a contract stating that you will conduct yourself appropriately in public. I’ve seen queens stripped of their titles, kings stripped of their titles, for far less than some of the behavior I’ve witnessed over the last few years. How it is some manage to keep their titles is beyond me. Now, I don’t claim that everyone likes me. I know for a fact that many don’t. Personally, I don’t care. I also don’t claim that I have never had a drink or 2 at a show. However, not once have I ever conducted myself in anything other than a strictly professional manner no matter where I am, or who I’m working with. The same cannot be said for others. I have seen kings get drunk, push people around, be obnoxious, and act sloppy on stage and off. I have seen kings start rumours about other people in the community, write pages of blogs calling people “whores.” I have seen kings go out of their way to try and start drama, when there really is no drama to be had. Whether you like someone or not, regardless of your reasons, publicly calling someone “the whore of Babylon” is completely unprofessional, as is getting trashed at a show, breaking bottles behind the bar, and causing the other people in your show to leave in the middle of it. Unacceptable. Full stop. This kind of behavior, had it been done in the home, would have been considered a form of domestic abuse. Just because it was done in a bar, in front of an audience (witnesses?) doesn’t make it any less despicable. Where does the line get drawn? What can a title holder get away with before the pageant system they represent says enough is enough? When does the community they represent say enough is enough? People make mistakes, we’re only human. But when something like this is not just a one-time occurrence, maybe it’s time to say “no more.” For some, having a title is more than just a feather in our cap. It’s something to be proud of, not just another “win” to add to a list. You could have a dozen titles, but if you act like a moron, disrespect your community and make yourself look like an ass, then they mean nothing. Just something to think about… Every day we’re faced with decisions we have to make. Some are easy: Do I wear black or grey trousers to work? Some are not so easy: Do I tell my boss my co-worker is spreading rumours?
It’s no different in the drag world. With the bar being raised higher and higher, both with kings and queens, the need to make decisions, both hard and easy, is a regular occurrence. Those who do shows weekly, bi-weekly or even monthly on a regular basis have to make decisions regarding whether to keep recycling the same old numbers and costumes and hope that the crowd changes every once in a while, or to spend time and money (which most of us have very little of, unless you’re independently wealthy and unemployed) on keeping things fresh and new. After a couple years of doing shows almost once (if not more) a week, I made the decision that I was tired of seeing the same old numbers that everyone else was doing, which probably meant everyone was tired of seeing me do numbers I’d done before. So I cut down on the number of shows I did considerably. Then, when drama ensued, as it has a habit to do in any drag/lgbtq community, I pulled back even more. I decided that there were more important things than drag. There are kings and queens whose sole purpose in performing are to see how many titles they can win, how much of their wall space they can fill with crowns and sashes and whatnot. It’s when that happens that it seems they lose sight of their community. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with pageants or competing. It all has a place and serves its purpose, but it’s been my experience that it has a tendency to cause more issues than not. Yes, I’m a title holder. I’m very proud of what I’ve won and what I’ve achieved. Have I made it my mission to enter every pageant there is, just so I can inflate my ego? No. There’s more to drag and performing than that. At least in my opinion. Will I compete again? Probably. But not for a while. There’s this nifty little thing called life that needs to be taken care of, nurtured. I have a life outside of drag, a relationship, a job. Sometimes these things have to take precedence. Any LGBTQ identified person finds out real quick just how small this community is, no matter where you live. With that in mind, any decision we make, especially as performers and people who are often seen as representatives of our respective communities, could have the potential to be extremely detrimental to others around us. I think we forget sometimes that there really are no secrets, and someone will see or hear anything and everything that we do. We cease to be “normal” members of our community once we start representing it, earning titles, etc. Now we’re being scrutinized by everyone, watched to see when we’re going to mess up. It’s a lot of responsibility, for those of us who take it seriously. Likewise, your significant others are also under that magnifying glass. They become a reflection of you, and anything they say or do can come back on you as well. Yet it’s so hard for people to forget this, and they continue to do and say things that reflect poorly on them, any titles they hold, and the pageant system and community they represent. Now, I know we’ve all done it. Hell, we’re all human. But most of us grow up and out of it. Some of us never do, however, and it’s these individuals that make it difficult for the rest of us, especially the kings. Now that I’ve gone on a slight tangent, I’d like to bring it back down. The topic of this blog (drog) was decisions. Living and performing in a city of exes, and exes’ exes, and exes’ exes’ exes, you would hope that everyone would at least try to maintain a semblance of civility. Usually, this is indeed the case. Of course, the circumstances surrounding the breakup always have a say in things, but even so time usually helps bring back a certain amount of said civility. You always hope that those who once professed to care for you would never intentionally make a decision that would hurt you. Unfortunately, something happened recently that was the exact opposite of that. Now, I said at the very start that I wasn’t going to make this drog about me, but this particular entry is about a decision I made that was very difficult, and it was because of an extremely selfish decision on the part of someone else. I will not, however, go into details. They’re irrelevant. In a nutshell, I feel as though something was taken away from me that I cared about immensely and, frankly, was mine first. So I have made yet another step back from drag. But as I said earlier, some things are just more important. If drag is contributing to you not having a healthy relationship with your spouse, significant other, friends, etc then maybe it’s time to reevaluate. If drag is preventing you from holding down a legitimate job, and you’re forced to depend on your SO to support you AND your drag habit, maybe it’s time to reevaluate. I am constantly reevaluating my relationship with drag, performing, the people I surround myself with. I have had to make conscious decisions to cut toxic, drama inciting people out of my life. And once you’re gone, you’re gone. There are no second chances with me. And here we are. I will not stop performing. I need to perform. Freddy needs to be kept alive, even if just for my own sanity. You can’t get rid of me that easily. Like I said… some decisions are harder than others, and I just made one of the hardest I’ve had to make in a very long time. But I believe in the end, it will be worth it. In the end, you have to believe that every decision you make is a) the right one, b) the best you can do at the time and c) that it will be worth it in the long run. This is what I’m hoping for. Nay, this is what I’m counting on. In closing, I’d like to thank you for making the decision to read this drog. ;) Cheers! Oh look! It's another drag blog. 'Cuz there aren't already a gazillion of them out there already. It seems that these days everyone has something to say, and everyone seems to think that what they have to say is going to be entertaining enough that the masses will want to hear it, thereby causing a revolution in the drag blogs. Me, I don't necessarily believe that my thoughts are any better, or any worse, than any of the others out there. I've been asked for years why I don't have a blog, and I never did have a good excuse, so I finally bit the bullet and decided "what the hell!" And so here we are. Do I think I'm going to be THE name in drag blogging (drogging?)? In all honesty, I don't really care. Obviously there are people out there who'd be interested in a Freddy blog, and so it is for them that I write here.
I know that my perspective on things will be different than other droggers out there. (Yep, I totally think I'm going to stick with it... It will be a household word soon, mark me!) The drag community is already huge, and continuing to grow exponentially, so I neither expect everyone to read this, nor do I expect those who do read it will all agree with what I have to say. I am going to try my damndest to not make this blog all about me. Which is kind of strange to say, since blogging (drogging) is pretty damn narcissistic to begin with, but what I mean is I'd like to try to keep it about drag and not about how this person hurt my feelings, or how this drag king stole my song, or how I'm just full of unresolved teenage angst, so I stomp my foot and throw a proverbial temper tantrum. (Note: these are all things I've seen on other drogs, so I'm not just making stuff up.) I will not dish dirt, start drama or write page after page about how the community or the world OWES me. So if that's what you're looking for, I can direct you to a couple different drogs, because you won't find it here, my friend. That being said, I'm going to do my best to update fairly regularly, as time and computer access allows. THAT being said, it's almost quitting time and since I decided to write my first blog on company time, I should probably clock out and head home. Cheers! |