There are reasons why I do what I do, and why I *don’t* do what I don’t do. There are times I second guess myself and my decisions but then inevitably something happens that just reaffirms my actions, or lack thereof. Unfortunately, when that something happens it usually also succeeds in reminding me just how two-faced people can be.
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The name and persona Freddy Prinze Charming is not copyrighted. It is not trademarked. No one “owns” it, per se. It is, however, my name. it is my persona. I have worked over the course of several years to make Freddy who he is, to build the reputation he has. Over the years I have had help with this, some financial (through fundraisers and the like), some emotional, some physical. Since I started performing there have been probably hundreds of people who have, in one way or another, helped me. The partner who had been with me for the last 3 years of that contributed a great deal financially, especially during the few random times when I was between jobs. But Freddy is still me and mine.
Confused yet? I’ve heard some people claim “ownership” over kings’ names and personas because they’d helped them at some point during their relationship. Usually, this claim comes after a breakup or fight or something similar. Regardless, I think it’s ridiculous. If I buy my partner clothes or perfume, things that help contribute to who they are, do I get to claim that I own them? Absolutely not. The same goes for my drag name, persona, costumes, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate everything that everyone does for me, just as I’m sure the kings and queens I’ve helped appreciate my efforts. But you don’t own me. It just seems like an awfully self-righteous idea to say that just because you’ve helped, you “own” part of this person. I’ve even heard someone say, “I know I didn’t help financially, but I cooked and I cleaned!” Honey, that doesn’t mean you own anyone… that means you were in a relationship! Hell, I know some unemployed kings that have never spent any of their own money on anything. If we go by the argument that if I pay for x amount of costuming, travel expenses, props, etc then these kings’ partners not only OWN said king’s name, persona, titles, costumes, props, etc, they ARE that king. Don’t claim ownership of something that is not now, never was and never will be yours. My name is my name, just like your name is your name. Don’t let anyone try to tell you that because they’ve helped you, you are in their debt, you owe them or belong to them in any way. We have all worked hard on making our names and our personas the best they can be. I like to think that Freddy takes on a little bit of all of those who have helped him over years. So in a way, they’re all a part of me, and I’m a part of them; they, you, are all a part of what makes me, me. But no one will EVER own me. I have to be honest… I miss performing in shows where the kings really get to strut their stuff. There used to be shows all the time that gave us that opportunity but as things have progressed and people have become more self-absorbed, thus causing more drama, those opportunities have dwindled. I got the chance to bring that back over the weekend. Sunday night I held a fundraiser for the Phoenix Pride Scholarship Program as part of my road to the Mr Phoenix Pride pageant. It was held at Rainbow Cactus, a fantastic little bar, that really have only seen queens perform. Well, queens and me. I wanted to show them what the rest of the best in Phoenix could bring to the table. So I invited some of the best kings (and people) I know to perform; Ayden Layne, Shazam, Adam Sapple, Austyn Zayne and Gunner Gatlyn (formerly Luke Mighway). I knew it was going to be an incredible show. These are kings I used to perform with regularly and always had a hell of a time with, so I jumped at the chance to bring us all together again. It was a blast. No drama, no fake smiles, everyone who was there wanted to be there and didn’t feel like they were obligated to be there. No one was worried about any negative blogs etc that might come out of someone performing a certain song or anything. It was a fun, relaxing, entertaining evening. Yes, we had technical difficulties and Gunner was only able to perform one song, but that one song was great appreciated. The audience had fun, the performers had fun, and to me that’s what performing is all about.
I have performed in, and been at, so many shows where the tension and drama are so thick you could hardly breathe. I hate it as an entertainer and I hate it as an audience member. No one should ever have to be in that situation. It’s completely unprofessional. Which is why I appreciated last night so much; not just because it meant a great deal to me personally with the fundraising aspect of it, but because it meant a great deal to me professionally as well. I don’t remember the last time I performed at a stress-free show. Wait, let me rephrase… I don’t remember the last time I performed at a stress-free show with KINGS. Which is why I generally don’t perform with the a good number of the kings in Phoenix. They feed off of negative energy and drama, and I’m too old and too mature to be expected to deal with it. I shouldn’t have to deal with it, so I won’t. Instead, when it comes to booking shows, I will stick to working with those I know always maintain a purely professional attitude, are positive people, good entertainers and who are not drama mongers. Granted, this cuts down my options considerably but those it leaves are the cream of the crop in my opinion. I don’t care whether a king as a title or whether he can make my lineup look good. I don’t base the quality of my shows off of the number of crowns in it. I base it off the quality of the people. I would rather have 6 non-title holders in my show, then 15 title holders, if the non-title holders were more professional, more positive and less self-serving. But that’s just me. At any rate, I’m thrilled that I got to perform with such an amazing group of entertainers on Sunday. It reminded me why I enjoyed drag in the first place, why I’ve done it for so long. So thank you, brothers, for your talent and for your support. You make drag worth it! In Thai culture they have a quality that is known as kreng jai. There is no literal translation, as it’s more of a frame of mind than something of substance. Basically, what it boils down to is a certain subtlety in the way they communicate. They’re a very passive society and don’t usually enjoy inflicting themselves or their opinions on others, so they will drop subtle hints without actually coming out and saying what they want. For instance, if I were hungry I’d call a friend and invite them out to eat, but I wouldn’t mention I was starving because I’d assume the friend would be hungry too. If they don’t like your hair or your clothes, they’ll tell you about a fantastic hair stylist they went to, or a great sale going on at whatever store. Reading between the lines is the best way to communicate when dealing with kreng jai. I seem to have adopted a very similar attitude when it comes to some things. I’m not good at being direct, especially when it comes to criticism, at least in public.
I often get asked advice from people trying to break into drag, from both aspiring queens and kings. Most of them see how the bar is being raised higher and higher and want to reach for that standard. But there are a few who are willing to just sit back and stick with a pair of slacks, a button down and a tie. How do you say to someone, “You know, the rest of us have tried really hard to get where we are and get to the level we’re at… to go out there in jeans and a t-shirt, or a shirt and tie, makes you look amateurish and kinda brings everything down.” I mean, I understand if they’re just starting out and want to get a feel for it, but obviously if you’re asking my advice you know what kind of a performer I am. If you think I’m going to say, “yeah, you’ll do fine in jeans and a t-shirt, or a ratty wig and dress” you’re sorely mistaken. I am all about helping someone, I just ask that you realize what the rest of us have done in this town to build the reputation of the kings. Anyhoo, obviously I don’t just say “yeah, no” when the lack of costuming, etc is brought up. I’m not that kind of person. So instead I try to drop some subtle hints, ie. “Hey, there’s an all king show next weekend. You should come check it out and get an idea of what the other kings are doing around town.” Or “I don’t spend that much on costumes. I buy everything at Goodwill then buy random stuff in bulk at SAS.” But when the response is still, “Yeah, I have a good tie I can use” then obviously the message isn’t getting through. I think I will always have this kreng jai type of mentality. Maybe I should be more direct, but I’m too passive and I hate offending, insulting or embarrassing people. I will help anyone who asks for it, but again, I can only do so much. If you want to be a performer, go and watch the best that are around you. And then find others. Search youtube for kings and queens. See what’s out there. You know who the best entertainers are in your community, you know who is considered to be less than the best. You know who you enjoy watching and who sends you to the bar or outside for a cigarette. We all started out as the “old” kings, in jeans, button downs, ties, etc. But we had the choice to either stay stagnant and get left behind, or rise to the challenge of raising the standards higher and higher. The art of gender illusion is more and more becoming just that: an art. Whether it’s kings or queens, it’s truly becoming one hell of a drag race with all of us chasing our own goals and trying to stay ahead of ourselves. It’s because of this that I am always open to help anyone who asks my advice, I want to help any new kings coming up behind get to where the title holders are now. Maybe bluntness is the key, maybe it’s not. If being blunt and direct and risking hurting someone’s feelings or sounding like a pompous ass is the way to go, then maybe this just isn’t for me. I will push, but not bully. I will lead, but not drag (excuse the pun). |