Honestly, I miss it.
It’s pageant season in the drag world and Facebook is ripe with constant updates on evening wear, talents and interviews. Across the country kings and queens are preparing to compete in prelims and finals, looking for sponsors, packing suitcases and truck beds with costumes and props and dragging backup dancers across country.
Honestly, I miss it.
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Every day we’re faced with decisions we have to make. Some are easy: Do I wear black or grey trousers to work? Some are not so easy: Do I tell my boss my co-worker is spreading rumours?
It’s no different in the drag world. With the bar being raised higher and higher, both with kings and queens, the need to make decisions, both hard and easy, is a regular occurrence. Those who do shows weekly, bi-weekly or even monthly on a regular basis have to make decisions regarding whether to keep recycling the same old numbers and costumes and hope that the crowd changes every once in a while, or to spend time and money (which most of us have very little of, unless you’re independently wealthy and unemployed) on keeping things fresh and new. After a couple years of doing shows almost once (if not more) a week, I made the decision that I was tired of seeing the same old numbers that everyone else was doing, which probably meant everyone was tired of seeing me do numbers I’d done before. So I cut down on the number of shows I did considerably. Then, when drama ensued, as it has a habit to do in any drag/lgbtq community, I pulled back even more. I decided that there were more important things than drag. There are kings and queens whose sole purpose in performing are to see how many titles they can win, how much of their wall space they can fill with crowns and sashes and whatnot. It’s when that happens that it seems they lose sight of their community. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with pageants or competing. It all has a place and serves its purpose, but it’s been my experience that it has a tendency to cause more issues than not. Yes, I’m a title holder. I’m very proud of what I’ve won and what I’ve achieved. Have I made it my mission to enter every pageant there is, just so I can inflate my ego? No. There’s more to drag and performing than that. At least in my opinion. Will I compete again? Probably. But not for a while. There’s this nifty little thing called life that needs to be taken care of, nurtured. I have a life outside of drag, a relationship, a job. Sometimes these things have to take precedence. Any LGBTQ identified person finds out real quick just how small this community is, no matter where you live. With that in mind, any decision we make, especially as performers and people who are often seen as representatives of our respective communities, could have the potential to be extremely detrimental to others around us. I think we forget sometimes that there really are no secrets, and someone will see or hear anything and everything that we do. We cease to be “normal” members of our community once we start representing it, earning titles, etc. Now we’re being scrutinized by everyone, watched to see when we’re going to mess up. It’s a lot of responsibility, for those of us who take it seriously. Likewise, your significant others are also under that magnifying glass. They become a reflection of you, and anything they say or do can come back on you as well. Yet it’s so hard for people to forget this, and they continue to do and say things that reflect poorly on them, any titles they hold, and the pageant system and community they represent. Now, I know we’ve all done it. Hell, we’re all human. But most of us grow up and out of it. Some of us never do, however, and it’s these individuals that make it difficult for the rest of us, especially the kings. Now that I’ve gone on a slight tangent, I’d like to bring it back down. The topic of this blog (drog) was decisions. Living and performing in a city of exes, and exes’ exes, and exes’ exes’ exes, you would hope that everyone would at least try to maintain a semblance of civility. Usually, this is indeed the case. Of course, the circumstances surrounding the breakup always have a say in things, but even so time usually helps bring back a certain amount of said civility. You always hope that those who once professed to care for you would never intentionally make a decision that would hurt you. Unfortunately, something happened recently that was the exact opposite of that. Now, I said at the very start that I wasn’t going to make this drog about me, but this particular entry is about a decision I made that was very difficult, and it was because of an extremely selfish decision on the part of someone else. I will not, however, go into details. They’re irrelevant. In a nutshell, I feel as though something was taken away from me that I cared about immensely and, frankly, was mine first. So I have made yet another step back from drag. But as I said earlier, some things are just more important. If drag is contributing to you not having a healthy relationship with your spouse, significant other, friends, etc then maybe it’s time to reevaluate. If drag is preventing you from holding down a legitimate job, and you’re forced to depend on your SO to support you AND your drag habit, maybe it’s time to reevaluate. I am constantly reevaluating my relationship with drag, performing, the people I surround myself with. I have had to make conscious decisions to cut toxic, drama inciting people out of my life. And once you’re gone, you’re gone. There are no second chances with me. And here we are. I will not stop performing. I need to perform. Freddy needs to be kept alive, even if just for my own sanity. You can’t get rid of me that easily. Like I said… some decisions are harder than others, and I just made one of the hardest I’ve had to make in a very long time. But I believe in the end, it will be worth it. In the end, you have to believe that every decision you make is a) the right one, b) the best you can do at the time and c) that it will be worth it in the long run. This is what I’m hoping for. Nay, this is what I’m counting on. In closing, I’d like to thank you for making the decision to read this drog. ;) Cheers! |