And my thighs hurt from too much Gangnam Style.
In our selfishness (yes, I said selfishness) we forget that the world doesn’t revolve around us, drag, or whether or not we pick the right music.
Yes, our drag, our hobby, is important. We want to do it well. But should it be our priority? For those of us who have day jobs, how often do you think it’s stupid that we spend far more time with our coworkers than with our significant others and family? Drag is no different than a day job. When you work full time and perform regularly, how much time are you really spending with your partner? Yes, they go to your show, but can you really call that quality time? They may not always complain. They may even profess to having fun. But the truth is they miss you. They miss the you out of drag. They miss having you to themselves. Quiet nights snuggling, watching tv, without having to watch you work on costumes, or mix music. ‘
I am guilty of all of this. Guilty of committing to a weekend of nothing but drag, guilty of disguising costume work as “quality time.” It doesn’t happen all the time, but just like anyone I get caught up in everything. I take on far too much and expect everyone else to just fall in line. Inevitably, I end up regretting it. By the end of a crazy weekend I miss my family. I miss my partner. I even miss the craziness that are the kids. I miss the little things like making dinner, vegging out on the couch, listening to the youngest one ramble on about Pokemon. I miss the balance.
I do my best to be a little more “picky” about the shows I commit to, I do my best to avoid drag on weeks we have the boys. But then there are the shows that I choose to do out of “obligation,” forgetting the obligation I made to my family first. And they really are what should come first. In all our lives. Regardless of what family means to you, or what it looks like in your life, they should be your priority. Not drag. Not even if you do drag for a living. A big phrase in the corporate world is “work/life balance” and it needs to be applied to performing too.
I get a lot of flack for this point of view from others in the drag world. “Drag is my life! My drag family IS my family!” That’s great. But do you ever talk about anything other than drag or other performers? When you’re with your drag family do you talk about how their day was, what’s happening in their life with school or work? If you have two Facebook profiles, which do you spend the most time on – your drag page or your personal page? I have a tendency to hide behind drag when things in my life are less than perfect, which is basically burying my head in the sand, but it allows important things to fall by the wayside. That’s part of what causes an imbalance.
Balance. It’s all about balance.
So please, the next time you’re stressing about a show or a dragtastic weekend, remember that you’re not the only one who is stressing. Take a look at the person or people closest to you, I guarantee that they’re stressing just as much, but for different reasons. They’re stressing about whether they’ll get to spend any time with you, whether they’ll get to sit with you and have dinner and about how much non drag-related time they’ll get. They support us, they love us, and we need to support them and love them right back.