Confidence means knowing whatever you’re doing, you’re doing your best. If you’re competing, you know that, no matter what, you will bring your top game. Confidence is saying, “I would love to win, and I’m going to bring it, but if I don’t at least I know I gave it my all.” Cockiness is saying, “I’m gonna smoke all those suckers! I’m the best and no one is going to tell me otherwise.” It’s the difference between knowing that, while you may have won a competition or two, everyone has their limitations and there will always be someone better than you at something. It’s ok going into something hoping to win, it is NOT ok to go into something EXPECTING to win. Nothing is ever a given, you are never guaranteed anything.
How do we coach those we mentor that confidence is great, but cockiness can lead to a miserable reputation? We lead by example. We do not live by that old adage “Do as I say, not as I do” and then be the example of what not to do. We need to teach that just because you think you’re hot shit doesn’t mean that that’s the truth. Pedestals are there so that we can be knocked off of them when our egos become overinflated. I don’t care who your mentor is, or who is in your drag family… if you are getting bad advice from these people maybe you need to reevaluate your family ties. If you don’t have a mentor and refuse to listen to those trying to help because you are just that good, and yet you find yourself struggling to put together a good show, or no one outside of your circle will book you or perform with you, maybe it’s time to reach out to someone for help. But keep in mind that cockiness and a bad attitude can burn bridges faster than a Molotov cocktail thrown into a paper house.
For all those newcomers out there, please remember that while confidence is ok, and even necessary, to let it cross over into cockiness is one of the biggest missteps you can make in this business. We, as veterans and seasoned entertainers, need to do our part. We need to help those we mentor and who look up to us reach for an even higher standard than even we try to achieve. When they surpass us, surpass even their own expectations, that’s when we know we’ve succeeded. We’ve all been there, we all know what it takes to take it to that higher level. The least we can do is pass that knowledge on; curb the cocky attitudes and turn it into a confidence that can have these newbies flying high.